Dick,
I know I'm getting old when I didn't hear a single joke that I hadn't
heard before. Still, I found myself chuckling and reading them to
Cathy. Thanks.
Carl Jarvis
On 10/26/15, R. E. Driscoll Sr <llocsirdsr@xxxxxxx> wrote:
Please do not be offended anyone I am only trying to make you smile.
Clean
Corny
Cute
Comics
On Wednesday, October 21, 2015
..
Thanks For The Memories.....
Oy vey !!! So many meshugas ... it'd take a lot of chutzpah not to
send it on !!! People would plotz!!! I'm verklempt! Mazel tov!!!
/*Those fabulous Jewish Comedians*/
/*The old Jewish Catskill comics*/*//*
/*Of Vaudeville days:*/*//*
/*Shecky Greene*//*,*/*//*
/*Red Buttons*//*,*/*//*
/*Totie Fields*//*,*/
/*Joey Bishop*//*,*/*//*
/*Milton Berle*//*,*/
/*Jan Murray*//*,*/*//*
/*Danny Kaye*//*,*/
/*Henny Youngman*//*,*/*//*
/*Buddy Hackett*//*,*/
/*Sid Caesar*//*,*/*//*
/*Groucho Marx,*/
/*Jackie Mason*//*,*/
/*Woody Allen*//*,*/
/*Lenny Bruce*//*,*/
/*George Burns*//*,*/
/*Allan Sherman*//*,*/
/*Jerry Lewis,*/*//*
/*Carl Reiner*//*,*/
/*Shelley Berman*//*,*/*//*
/*Gene Wilder,*/
/*George Jessel*//*,*/
/*Alan King,*/
/*Mel Brooks*//*,*/
/*Phil Silvers*//*,*/
/*Jack Carter*//*,*/*//*
/*Rodney Dangerfield*//*,*/*//*
/*Don Rickles*//*,*/
/*Jack Benny*/
/*Mansel Rubenstein*/
/*And so many others.*/
/*There was not one single swear word in their comedy.*/
/*Here are a few examples:*/
/** I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to
the airport.*/*//*
/** I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife
ever finds out, she'll kill me!*/
/** What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's
making love? "Honey, I'm home!"*/*//*
/** Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be*//*reporting
it. The thief spends less than my wife did.*/
/** We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.*/*//*
*/*/**//*/*My wife and I went back to the*/
*/hotel where we spent our wedding night;/**//*
/*Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.*/*//*
/*My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife
called it the Dead Sea .*/*//*
*/She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the
estimate./**//*
/*She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off.*/
/** The Doctor gave a man six months to live.*/*//*
/*The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six
months.*/*//*
/***/*//*/*The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your
check came back. "*/*/
/Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"//*
/** Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!"*/
/*Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"*/*//*
/***/*//*/*Patient:*//*"I have a ringing in my ears."*/
/*Doctor:*//*"Don't answer!"*/
/** A drunk was in front of a judge.*/*//*
/*The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."*/*/
/The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."/ /*
/** Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?*/
/*They're worth it.*/
/*The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women
like Chinese food so much.*/*//*
/*The study revealed that this is due to the fact that*/*//*/*Won
Ton*//*spelled backward is*/*//*/*Not Now*//*.*/
/*There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life
begins.*/*/
/In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it
graduates from medical school.//*
/*Q:*//*Why don't Jewish mothers drink?*/*//*
/*A:*//*Alcohol interferes with their suffering.*/*//*
/*Q:*//*Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?*/
/*A:*/*//*/*They never let anyone finish a sentence!*/
/*A man called his mother in Florida ,*/*/
/"Mom, how are you?"/
/"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."/
/The son said, "Why are you so weak?"/
/She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."/
/The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"/
/The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled
with food if you should call."/ /*
/*A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a
part in the play.*/*/
/She asks, "What part is it?"//*
/*The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."*/*/
/"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want
a speaking part."//*
/*Q:*//*How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?*/
/*A:*//*(Sigh)*//*"Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want
to be a nuisance to anybody."*/
/*Short summary of every Jewish holiday:*/*/
/They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat./ /*
/*Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the
street and said,*/*//*
/*"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."*/*//*
/*"Force yourself," she replied.*/
/*Q:*//*What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish
mother?*/*//*
/*A:*//*Eventually, the Rottweiler will let go.*/
/*Q:*//*Why are Jewish men circumcised?*/
/*A:*//*Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.*/
/*Memories of the good ole days.*/
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