Americans must secure Westminster dog borders Cats should be uninvited to
show. Rex W. Huppke. It pains me to say this, but our country is in peril. .
We are so far gone, so consumed by political correctness, that unwanted and
potentially dangerous outsiders are poised to put one of our most cherished
institutions at risk. I'm referring, of course, to the Westminster Kennel
Club Dog Show. In case you were distracted by lesser news, The New York
Times shocked the world Tuesday by reporting that the nation's preeminent
canine competition will, for the first time, "include a program featuring
cats. That's right. Cats. Non-dogs. The devil's house pet. Brandi Hunter,
vice president of public relations and communications for the American
Kennel Club, explained in an email that cats will be at a joint event put on
by the Westminster and American kennel clubs on Feb. 11, making felines part
of "Westminster Week" but not part of the annual Westminster competition.
It's still too close for comfort, I say. Westminster Kennel Club spokeswoman
Gail Miller Bisher told AM New York: "It makes it interesting. It's a
celebration of dogs -- and now cats -- but it needs to be a little bit of
everything for everybody. That's what we like about it. That may be what
Bisher likes about it, but I'm not so sure the dogs would agree. And that's
why I'm calling for an immediate ban on any felines seeking to enter the
Westminster Dog Show festivities. We just need to shut it down until we can
figure this thing out. Let's consider the facts. This country was founded by
people who loved dogs. It's an accurate historical fact, according to
something I found on the internet, that a 25-year-old Pilgrim named John
Goodman brought both his mastiff and English springer spaniel with him on
the Mayflower. (There are also reports of a cat on the Mayflower, but I
think that's just fake news.) Clearly, canine appreciation is a key part of
our national identity, and if we are to preserve that identity, we can't
just let cats start racing across the borders of traditional dog events. How
do we know Westminster and its attendant hound, toy, nonsporting and herding
breeds can be kept safe? Do we even know how these cats would be vetted
before they're allowed into the show? Do we have any idea where these feline
invaders are from? It's possibly some could be Persian, we just don't know.
I'm not saying all cats are evil, mind you. I've known many cats who are
fantastic animals. But there are some bad kitties out there, and I don't
think we can be too careful. We know for a fact that some cats -- not all,
but some -- wish to do dogs harm. It's all spelled out in the species' holy
book, "Garfield at Large. There's a clear hatred of dogs, and acts of
outright cruelty to canines are not only condoned but presented as a source
of twisted amusement. So how do we know these cats coming in to Westminster
Week aren't bad dudes? You may think me callous, but I'm not the only one
worrying this misguided attempt at inclusion could be a Trojan cat. On
Twitter, @chrissierussell wrote: "I'm almost certain 'cats at Westminster
dog show' is one of the signs of the apocalypse. One @bethany_bruner took a
bold canine nationalist stand, tweeting: "I refuse to accept that
Westminster's DOG show will have cats. DOG. D-O-G. Woof Woof. That sentiment
was echoed by @norwegiansafari, who tweeted: "They're allowing cats into the
Westminster Dog Show so why even be American anymore. Indeed. We have to
return to thinking "dog first" in this country. So before cats can be
allowed anywhere near the Westminster Dog Show, they'll need to undergo what
I call "maximum feline vetting," which will ensure they're willing to adapt
to the cultural norms of a predominantly canine environment. (Always be
happy to see humans, always know who is the good boy or girl ...) One of the
cats slated to appear during Westminster Week is named Jungletrax Abiding
Ovation. The first question I would ask is: Is that your real name, and
would you be willing to assimilate by changing it to something more
traditionally canine, like Baxter or Wrigley? I would also want to see
Jungletrax's social media account, and make sure she's a Christian. The
bottom line is this: The best way to protect ourselves against any perceived
threat against dogs is to scare the public with inaccurate information about
cats and then implement draconian policies that confirm suspicions that we
secretly want an all-dog nation. Sorry, that was a bit too honest. Let me
rephrase: Let's make Westminster great again! ----------
rhuppke@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Twitter @rexhuppke