Americans are super resourceful when it comes to "shaping" the facts
to suit the current need. Like, we need to be "Great again". So
first we write a Fairy Tale and name it, Our History". Then we change
our real life so it conforms with our Make Believe World.
And suddenly we're all Players in a Reality TV Production. With a
Reality Con man mugging and lying his way forward back to our make
believe past.
But I digress.
The point I'm not doing such a good job of making, is that because we
enjoy being lied to, we never learn from our mistakes. We've tried
isolating parts of our population ever since we hauled our first slave
off the stinking slave ship, or shoved the first Indian onto a barren
reservation, or hauled our Japanese Americans off to internment camps.
We've tried rounding up little children and busing them around the
countryside or built consolidated schools where we could cram a
thousand or so bus loads of grumbling youngsters into prison-like
buildings, because it was "cost effective".
But we set out to talk about the "lumping together" of our worn out
elders. Just when we thought we'd rung out the last possible dollar
from their wrinkled, scaly hides, someone came up with a brilliant
plan. Build lovely facilities and call them "Senior Living"
apartments, or communities. Bring in the Oldsters and tell them that
they will now be free of the whining, sniveling little grand children,
the bitching daughters and daughter-in-laws, the sons and son-in-laws
who sneak out the back door and slip down to the corner tavern. And
in its place there is a fancy lobby with a fountain and a bunch of
potted plants, and a "family" style dining room, and an
exercise/activity room where you get to play games like balloon
bowling and bingo. And you even have an annoying loudspeaker inside
your cramped little hole of an apartment, which yells at you to get
down to dinner, or to be certain to take your meds. And when you find
yourself in a crowd of old strangers, you bitch and grumble to each
other about everything.
And yet, after saying all of that, I am, if I am anything at all, an
adaptable old Soul.
My Agnostic brain tells me that I can be sure of only one trip through
Life. If I live in the past, like my elder sister, hating my present
life, I might as well find a tall building and jump off the roof. If
I play as if my youth will mysteriously return, I'm wasting precious
time that could be spent doing important stuff...like writing this
note.
No, I simply try to be a realist, and then find my place in the day's
events. Even if I'm at a place in life where I must consider moving
to a Senior Apartment...as if Cathy would even consider it,
nonetheless, I could do it, and find meaningful activities.
I've had my day in the Sun, attempting to shape the world, and now I
am content to do little bits of stuff that give meaning to my day,
even if not to anyone elses.
And so, as long as my brain awakens in the morning and says, "I'm
still Carl Jarvis", I'll find meaningful ways to spend my day...even
if only to prove that I can still creep to the bathroom on my own.
All my adult life I've known how this story of mine will end, and I've
tried to prepare for it as best I could. Inside my head are enough
memories, enough smells, as many happy voices of long gone friends and
family, that I can settle down in my recliner and spend hours
revisiting them. The long walks in the deep forest in the cool early
morning, or in the heat of an August afternoon. The happy giggles of
my three children as they grew into beautiful adults. And on and on.
Still, I have not the slightest idea of how this story of mine will
end. So I continue to "prepare" for whatever comes my
way.
But now I'm repeating myself...which is not a good sign.
Carl Jarvis...I think...
On 4/22/19, Miriam Vieni <miriamvieni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
And that, among many other reasons, is why I never considered an assisted
living facility. Imagine what would happen if I were living in one and my
sight and physical capabilities deteriorated as they have? Because of
liability issues, they'd confine me to a wheelchair and never allow me to
move independently. Of course, this may all be academic soon.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Monday, April 22, 2019 5:50 PM
To: Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@xxxxxxx>
Cc: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [blind-democracy] Re: Another cultural misunderstanding
In 1971 the Rainier Lions club took on the project of creating housing, a
dormitory for blind adults attending the Orientation and Training Center.
By the time I had become program director(1979), nothing had changed in the
attitudes and management of the Dorm, under the Lion's administration. The
Dorm was on the second floor of a large building owned by the Lion's in the
center of the Columbia City business district. At the top of the stairs
they had installed a heavy swinging gate. This was to protect and to warn
the students. The Lion's had also turned the hot water tank to a warm
setting so blind students would not burn themselves. This ensured that when
more than six or seven students took showers, the rest would bathe in water
that went from cool to down right cold.
The Lion's had the final say over the hiring of the Dorm Director and the
staff of 3 coordinators. In that way they managed to ensure the Dorm ran
according to the way they believed it should. I set up monthly meetings
with the Lion's Board, and they established a smaller unit called, The
Insight Center Board. This was a group of six long time members. I spent
hours meeting individually with these six men, in their shops and at the
local coffee house. It took me nearly two years before I had convinced them
that their custodial approach was doing more harm than good. Their biggest
concern was the liability issue. Once we'd resolved that, it turned out
that they didn't really care how the Dorm was run. The Liability issue
affected my entire staff, except for the Braille instructors. It's
difficult to try to run a program that challenges the students, while the
O&M instructors and the shop instructor are worrying about keeping
themselves and their students out of harms way.
But old habits and attitudes change slowly. And we never know for certain
whether they changed or just went underground.
On 4/22/19, Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@xxxxxxx> wrote:
I think the Lions Club has a reputation like that pretty much all over.
One would think that after all the time they have had blindness as
their cause they would have learned something by now.
---
Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without
evidence. ”
― Christopher Hitchens,
On 4/22/2019 10:37 AM, Carl Jarvis wrote:
Good Earth Day, Miriam.
Somewhere I had the idea that you'd booked tours with Evergreen Tours
for the blind. They were headquartered here in the Puget Sound
area...maybe Everett? and initially they had a pretty good
reputation. But several folks I know, told me that they would never
sign up for another trip, because of the condescending treatment.
The Lion's club in Everett put on an annual Fishing Derby for the
Blind. When I heard that each blind person had their own "care taker"
who guided them so they would not fall overboard, seated them on the
deck, baited their hook and even took over reeling in the fish, I
never wanted to be treated in such a manner. Now I know that for
some blind people who have been very sheltered, that this might be
the only way they would ever come close to actually fishing, but
these do-gooders treated all the blind the same way.
This was also the habit of the Rainier Lions. Each year between
Thanksgiving and Christmas they held a "Holiday Dinner for the Blind".
A friend of mine talked me into going to one of these dinners, "just
to see what they did". He owned his own business, and he and his
wife also owned a string of rental houses in the Valley. They could
afford to buy the best dinner in Seattle, but every year they took
advantage of the "freebees".
I went...once...and was grabbed at the door by a kindly elderly Lion,
shoved into a folding chair, and told that after the prayer we would
have our plates brought out to us. And so it was. The food was all
cut up in neat little bite sized pieces. I had only a spoon. When I
was told that dessert would be coming right along, I asked if they
cut it up in the kitchen, too. The kindly man thought I was serious,
and he went and asked.
Not to be outdone, the Seattle Lions held a monthly "Round Up". They
picked up the blind folks and took them to the Community Services for
the Blind Center on Queen Anne Hill, where dinner was served and
volunteer entertainment was performed. CSB had the same custodial
attitude, and I never had the desire to get rounded up.
Many of the older blind folks believed that these dinners and derby's
were small compesation for their blindness. And they passed this
attitude along to newly blind members in the Organization.
I recall taking a group of students from the training center on a
field trip to the Underground Tour. Tickets cost $4 per person, but
only $2 for Seniors and disabled. Some of the students felt that
this was only fair, because after all, they were blind and couldn't
see what was around them. I said that we each took the same space
whether we were blind or sighted, and we should insist on paying the
full fare if we ever wanted to be treated equal. I led the group to
the ticket window and fought with the woman, finally getting her to tajke
my $4.
I think she charged the rest of the group $2, because she never said
a word to alny of them.
Interestingly, those tours were fabulous, as long as you had a
creative tour guide. The fun was in the description, because blind
or sighted the underground tunnels were so dimly lit that there was
little to actually see. But right off, our snappy young guide said,
"Don't straggle, the rats are as big as hogs...and hungry".
Over the years I think there has been some improvement regarding
attitudes toward the abilities of us blind folk. But I often wonder
if the attitudes have actually changed, or if the sighted public has
just become better at hiding them. I think of this when I see the
reemergence of the hatred and fear toward Blacks. All of our
advances in Race relations over the years have been derailed by one
contemptible president and his band of bigots.
I was going to ramble along on the subject of growing up as a Working
Class boy in an upper middle class neighborhood, but I'll save it for
another day.
Carl Jarvis
On 4/21/19, Miriam Vieni <miriamvieni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Carl,
When I read your story about that long ago date, it reminded me of a
rather unpleasant experience that I had. I read your message and
thought, "class differences", and then I remembered this trip to
France that I took.
There
was a woman, a travel agent, who had arranged a few trips for blind
people.
I'd been on several of her trips. She was very wealthy. I think that
her husband had died by the time that I knew her. The trips that she
arranged for blind travelers were relatively inexpensive, but she
was accustomed to a very different kind of life. Her clothes were
simple, but very expensive.
She was kind and down-to-earth. I wanted to see France. She agreed
to accompany me as a sighted guide if I paid her passage, and she
chose a very nice tour. Now she had accompanied Art and me on a very
nice English tour, but apparently, the people who went on that
company's tours, (it was called Tauck), although they had money,
they tended to be very different from the people who patronized the
company that did the French tour. These people were, however, the
kind of people with whom Lois, my guide, was very comfortable. So
the tour was lovely. The food was amazing. Lois had a lot in common
with the other people on the tour. But although they were polite to
me, they were distant. They didn't usually eat with us. I felt very
much like this weird person, an outcast, someone who was socially
unacceptable, a child to whom people would be kind and over whom
they would watch. Now I was on other sighted tours, the English one,
one Tauck tour to Italy with my friends, and one Tauck tour to China
with a different sighted person acting as a guide, and I never felt
that way on those other tours. And believe me, especially on that
China tour, all those people had lots more money than I.
I would have liked to return to France, under different circumstances.
Of
course, I can tell stories about the tours for blind people and how
uncomfortable I felt about the way in which the sighted guides on
those tours treated us and about the attitudes of the people who
arranged the tours. I am, perhaps, over sensitive. But I was, after
all, a paying customer. A long time ago, I had a job as a
dishwasher, in a summer camp for blind adults. I may have talked on
this list about some of my experiences at that camp, or possibly, it
was a different list. Anyway, the camp director had very good
relationships with the wealthy people who owned beach houses near
the camp. I was in a boat with a group of campers, driven by the
assistant director, past some of those summer beach houses one day.
Mary turned off the motor so she could wave to the people on the
beach and chat with them. And I remember one of the women saying to
her, out loud, so all of us could hear. "Mary it's just so wonderful
how you take care of them". I was about seventeen at the time. When
we left the area, I said something to Mary about that, something to
the effect that it was thoughtless of that woman to talk to her as
if we weren't there and couldn't hear, and as if everyone of us was
helpless. And she answered, "Just be grateful that they're kind and
contribute money to the camp. If we were in Nazi Germany, you'd all
have been gased".
Miriam,
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Sunday, April 21, 2019 4:29 PM
To: Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@xxxxxxx>
Cc: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [blind-democracy] Re: Another cultural misunderstanding
Roger,
In my defense, I was only 22 at the time, and easily intimidated by
pretty girls. There are many things I would do differently if I
only knew then what I know now.
Funny thing, this life. We live a long time and end up knowing all
the things we should have known at the front end of life. But by
the time we get it all figured out...we are usually far too feeble
to put it to any good use.
Carl Jarvis
On 4/21/19, Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@xxxxxxx> wrote:
I think I would have told her that I was booked solid for the next
twenty-five years before she got a chance to tell me.
---
Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed
without evidence. ”
― Christopher Hitchens,
On 4/21/2019 11:21 AM, Carl Jarvis wrote:
Interesting. It would appear that all of a culture's practices
had a practical origin. We accept them because it's expected of us.
Like shaking hands. The practice of showing no weapons was done
by grasping the other person's dominant hand with your dominant
hand, normally the right hand. Today we nod when we are
introduced to someone of a higher station or position. That nod
came from a full bow from the waist. The full bow came from a
custom of dropping to the knees and prostrating before the
superior person, usually stretching the arms out in front and
touching the forehead to the ground, with the rear end high in the
air. This show of "respect"/submission, came from an ancient time
when the superior man mounted the backside of his "inferior".
Think of that the next time you give a nod of respect or drop your
eyes when meeting a person of higher status.
Back in the late 50's I dated a very attractive young woman of
obvious superior status. I know this because she eventually told
me so...as she bid me farewell.
We agreed to meet after work in downtown Seattle, and we began to
walk to a local restaurant. She stopped abruptly and said,
"Gentlemen walk on the outside". She was referring to the fact
that I was setting out on the side closest to the buildings,
leaving her to walk next to the traffic...although the curb lane
was full of parked cars.
I exchanged sides, but explained that she was more apt to be
struck by something falling from an open window, than by a parked
car.
"Well,"
she then said, "It's still a matter of respect". I recall that
our dinner included a fat fried chicken thigh. As I began to
reach for my chicken thigh, to pick it up and chomp down, as we
Jarvis' were wont to do, she picked up her knife and fork and
began cutting off little tiny bites. And so, following suit, I
proceeded to do the same, butchering that poor defenseless piece
of chicken all over the table and my pants and the floor.
Being visually impaired, I had fully intended to take my date home
on the local bus. But after noting her "refined ways", I decided
I'd better spring for a cab. We walked up to her door and I put
my arm around her...another wonderful custom, and bent toward her
lips, anticipating that magical moment. She turned her cheek at
the last moment and placed the palms of her hands on my chest,
pushing me backward. This was another ancient custom that
signaled to all gentlemen that a second date was probably not in
the cards. But I sucked in a deep breath and lied, telling her
that I'd had a wonderful time, and would she care to do this
again. She assured me that she was booked solid for the next 25
years, and besides, I gave new meaning to the old adage, Diamond in
the Rough.
But I see that once again I've wandered off the subject.
Carl Jarvis
On 4/20/19, Roger Loran Bailey <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Thinking about this habit of Africans asking for gifts as a way
to show you honor, I just thought of another example that is
similar.
That is, it is similar in that it involves making gifts. I think
I read this in an anthropology text book too. There was a certain
tribe of native Americans. I forget which one. To honor you and
to show good will it was their practice to make a gift to you
that they had no intention that you would keep. It was just to
show friendliness and good will. Then soon after giving you the
gift they would ask for it back. People from a white European
culture did not necessarily understand this. If you were to say,
no, you gave it to me and I'm keeping it, the giver would be
highly offended. The same white Europeans would also be confused
if they offered a gift and it was accepted and then the native
American who had received the gift turned around and gave it
back. I understand that this is where the phrase Indian giver
came from. But can you imagine the confusion that this example of
culture shock caused?
--
---
Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed
without evidence. ”
― Christopher Hitchens,