Yes, I almost suggested parentheses too! It somehow seemed that it would be
more visually obtrusive on the original text, but I suppose it works just as
well. FWIW by double hyphen I meant em dash, sorry!
As for the optional comma before "and," I was not aware of that rule, just
noticed what appeared to me to be another run-on...my fear being that without
the comma it could read as "His eyes are closed and (his eyes also) are a
crackle of energy." If overruled I will keep the optional comma before "and" in
mind, especially when I get to my Grey Star notes where I have flagged a LOT of
potential run-ons! x/
Thanks!
________________________________
From: James D <james.durrant@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, May 6, 2021 9:39 AM
To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx <projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Cc: karota1334@xxxxxxxxxxx <karota1334@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: RE: [projectaon] Shadow on the Sand - Section 302
I've not seen the double-hyphen used before, but I agree the paragraph does not
read well with so many commas.
Maybe this?
Banedon takes over the helm as his extraordinary ship (the Skyrider, as the
dwarves call it) speeds through the gathering darkness towards the Dahir Pass.
"His eyes are closed and a crackle of energy > His eyes are closed, and a
crackle of energy"
Comma is optional before an and, so I don't see the need to make a change here.
-----Original Message-----
From: projectaon-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx <projectaon-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On
Behalf Of pamail.cgi@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: 06 May 2021 01:18
To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cc: karota1334@xxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [projectaon] Shadow on the Sand - Section 302
The following was sent from the Project Aon contact form
From: SJ karota1334@xxxxxxxxxxx
Date: 00:17:36 on Thursday, May 6, 2021
Subject: Shadow on the Sand - Section 302
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
first paragraph:
"Banedon takes over the helm as his extraordinary ship, the Skyrider, as the
dwarves call it, speeds through the gathering darkness towards the Dahir Pass.
Banedon takes over the helm as his extraordinary ship--the Skyrider, as thedwarves call it--speeds through the gathering darkness towards the Dahir Pass."