[projectaon] Re: freeway warrior
- From: McSwain LeRoy <simonaamanarfan@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 3 Nov 2010 22:55:25 -0400
And thank you, Simon, for working through the lists. Your job was harder than
mine. All i had to do was read the books.
> (er) The Story So Far: widely populated: it had -> ? widely populated:
> it had [so: Uh, what?]
lol. i don't know what i was thinking when i put this either. i must have
been trying to ask if it was a colon or semicolon in the original book, but if
it's a colon in the original, we may as well reject it.
for sommerlund and the kai,
leroy
> Date: Fri, 29 Oct 2010 15:15:04 +0100
> From: outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx
> To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: [projectaon] Re: freeway warrior
>
> On 21/10/2010 14:32, McSwain LeRoy wrote:
> > California Countdown
>
> OK, I finally got there...and I remembered to post a collected list this
> time around! I appreciate this was a huge amount of work, LeRoy--thanks
> a huge amount for this. I lost count of the number of problems I fixed
> in the three books, but it's well over 100. And I am in agreement with a
> number of the issues I've escalated; I'm just not 100% sure whether or
> how to fix them.
>
> Cheers! :-)
>
> ESCALATED:
>
> (er) The Story So Far: widely populated: it had -> ? widely populated:
> it had [so: Uh, what?]
> (er) The Story So Far: moment on every waking -> ? moment on, every
> waking
> (er) The Story So Far: colony made their -> ? colony made its
> (er) Equipment: will appear in the text in bold print [lm: The
> equipment
> seems to me to be only capitalised but not in bold print, or is that
> just my browser?]
> (er) Weapons: or possess rounds of the wrong calibre. ->? or possess
> only rounds of the wrong calibre.
> (er) 1: appoints you, and three -> appoints you and three
> (er) 8: If you wish to attack the clan leader with your bare hands [lm:
> you just threw one weapon, but you might have been carryng two.]
> (er) 11: If you possess at least three Medi-kit units, you are able to
> soothe the inflammation with some ointment: restore 1 ENDURANCE point.
> (If you wish to do this, remember to erase one Medi-kit unit from your
> list.) [lm: What is this saying? Restore one endurance point in addition
> to the customary three? Else, why not just use the Medi-kit to restore
> three points?]
> (er) 30: nest of butterflies that have suddenly taken refuge in your
> stomach prevent -> nest of butterflies that have suddenly taken refuge
> in your stomach prevents
> (er) 54, 89, 142, 256, 266: forward ->? forwards [lm: consistency]
> (er) 55: gasolene that's all -> gasolene, that's all
> (er) 65: fills -> fill
> (er) 79: a group of clansmen appear -> a group of clansmen appears
> (er) 92, 280: you take up your gun ->? [lm: what if you do not have
> one?]
> (er) 136: my suspicions. I found ->? [lm: I think this must be a
> paragraph break to avoid having 'he says' twice in the same sentence.]
> [so: I'd second this.]
> (er) 136: this, that's a promise, but ->? this--that's a promise--but
> [so: OR this, that's a promise; but]
> (er) 139: life, and the case of food, intact. ->? life--and the case of
> food--intact. [so: Not sure if this should be tweaked, but the proposed
> placements of the dashes is wrong.]
> (er) 155: The colony have -> The colony has
> (er) 204: crew of mechanics have -> crew of mechanics has
> (er) 225: After consulting with your fellow judges, they -> After you
> consult with your fellow judges, they
> (er) 225: Avenal's pockets consist of ->? Avenal's pockets contain
> (er) 225: Barlow's pockets comprise ->? [lm: I don't know if this is
> wrong or not. I'm only pointing it out because of the discussion we had
> about 'comprise'. I can't remember what we decided.]
> (er) 225: [lm: Do the items in the lists need to be in caps, even though
> they cannot be taken into inventory?]
> (er) 239: your attack, and the -> your attack and the [so: Also in
> Section 6?]
> (er) 243: reach Mohawk, and the -> reach Mohawk and the [so: I think the
> original is OK]
> (er) 251: clothes, others -> clothes; others [so: Suggest instead:
> clothes, others are half-naked, yet -> clothes, others are half-naked; yet]
> (er) 279: [lm: footnote about deducting ammo? and what if you have no
> firearm?] [so: Added ammo footnote; not owning a firearm issue unresolved.]
> (er) 280: bang ->? <i>bang</i>
> (er) 289 [x2]: tachometer ->? Tacheometer [so: Tachometer measures
> speed/rpm; tacheometer is a type of theodolite. Would suggest instead
> milometer or odometer (the latter being more US-centric).]
> (er) 290: swarm of leather-clad clansmen disembark and scurry ->? swarm
> of leather-clad clansmen disembarks and scurries
> (er) 293: lies the remains ->? lie the remains
> (er) 309: Having chosen to block the exit, Macy and Langdon wait
> patiently while you and Rickenbacker drive off the freeway and ->?
> Having chosen to block the exit, you and Rickenbacker drive off the
> freeway, while Macy and Langdon wait patiently, and
> (er) 338: army have -> army has
> (er) 339: beginnings of a hot, northwesterly wind sweeps -> beginnings
> of a hot, northwesterly wind sweep
> (er) 339: storm brewin', dare say ->? storm brewin'; I dare say [so: I
> think Joe is going for local dialect here. I'd suggest: storm brewin',
> dare say -> storm brewin'. Daresay.]
>
>
> FIXED:
>
> (er) The Story So Far: EL Paso -> El Paso
> (er) The Story So Far: man alone, therefore Captain -> man alone;
> therefore Captain
> (er) 3: of sarcasm, ‘But I'm -> of sarcasm, ‘but I'm OR of sarcasm.
> ‘But I'm
> (er) 9: Mohawk, fourteen miles to the east. -> Mohawk, fourteen miles
> to
> the west.
> (er) 40: north-east of Dome ->? northwest of Dome [lm: looks like
> northwest both on the map with the book and mapquest. q.v. 'branches
> away to the west' in ref.200]
> (er) 45: town to Tacna -> town of Tacna
> (er) 52: head east along Interstate 8. -> head west along Interstate 8.
> (er) 74: Phoenix. Souvenirs? -> Phoenix? Souvenirs?
> (er) 82, 230: you Shooting skill -> your Shooting skill
> (er) 87: Mowhawk ->? Mohawk
> (er) 100, 319: was lucky, I -> was lucky; I
> (er) 100, 319: water that unless [lm: comma before or after 'that']
> (er) 110: pain and the trembling subsides -> pain and the trembling
> subside
> (er) 125: thing, I s'pose -> thing. I s'pose
> (er) 127: gasps. ‘I'm [lm: paragraph must break here]
> (er) 157: says Cutter, ‘Barlow -> says Cutter. ‘Barlow
> (er) 176, 193, 205, 209, 268, 298: breach -> breech
> (er) 176: chattering of his machine pistol ->? chattering of
> Rickenbacker's [lm: OR your partner's) machine pistol (for clarity) (cf.
> ref. 298]
> (er) 187: your adventure and your life ends -> your adventure and your
> life end
> (er) 207: your realize -> you realize
> (er) 220: compliment -> complement
> (er) 231: flying helmet and white -> flying helmet, and white
> (er) 235: their car and run -> their car, and run
> (er) 239: in order set -> in order to set
> (er) 239: yellow flash, is -> yellow flash is
> (er) 246: disappearing eastwards towards the town of Mohawk ->
> disappearing westwards towards the town of Mohawk
> (er) 247: explosion. ‘They [lm: paragraph break]
> (er) 253: she says, ‘have some -> she says. ‘Have some
> (er) 257: 1 ENDURANCE points -> 1 ENDURANCE point
> (er) 262: colonist's -> colonists'
> (er) 290: reassuringly, ‘we're -> reassuringly. ‘We're
> (er) 291: scuttling scratching -> scuttling, scratching
> (er) 309: Rickenbacker. ‘OK [lm: paragraph break]
> (er) 310: If your total scores 10 -> If your total score is 10
> (er) 320: C'mon Rick -> C'mon, Rick
> (er) 350: his brow. ‘That's right,’ [lm: paragraph break]
> (er) Combat Results Table: ENDURANCE points or below, this is ->
> ENDURANCE points; this is
> (er) Illustration 14: helmet and -> helmet, and
>
>
> FIXED (NOT ERRATA):
>
> (ne) The Story So Far: Uncle Jonas was confidant -> Uncle Jonas was
> confident
> (er) The Story So Far: your family as still alive -> your family was
> still alive
> (ne) Weapons: skill number; for example -> skill number: for example
> (ne) 48: powdery,, and -> powdery, and
> (ne) 55: AIR FORGE -> AIR FORCE
> (ne) 55: ’cause ->? ’cause
> (ne) 72: are a -> area
> (ne) 157: bather -> bother
> (ne) 174: ’cause ->?
> (ne) 220: [so: Cutter's comments over the radio are italicised in the
> original.]
> (ne) 235: next town Red Rock -> next town, Red Rock [so: No, it should
> be: town--Red Rock.]
> (ne) 241: Cutter Set fire -> Cutter set fire
> (ne) 250: awaken -> awoken/awakened [so: Original is 'awoken']
> (ne) 297: irresistible: It is -> irresistible. It is [lm: OR
> irresistible: it is] [so: The former.]
> (ne) 306: the I room -> ? the room
> (ne) 310: skill Scores -> skill scores
> (ne) 319: Soon -> soon
> (ne) Illustration 8: speedster come -> speedster comes
>
>
> REJECTED:
>
> (er) The Story So Far: Uncle Jonas and Aunt Betty-Ann's -> ? Uncle
> Jonas's and Aunt Betty-Ann's [so: No, because they are being spoken of
> collectively. For example, "My aunt and uncle's house". To say, "My
> aunt's and uncle's house" is incorrect in English, strangely.]
> (er) Equipment: 2 points; and if ->? 2 points, and if [so: The
> semi-colon sepaartes separate self-contained clauses.]
> (er) 15: it … we've ->? it. . . we've
> (er) 32, 53: hospital, and therefore the vital Atropine, in ->?
> hospital--and therefore the vital Atropine--in [so: No, the commas
> offset a separate self-contained clause.]
> (er) 56: the … ! ->? the. . .!
> (er) 61: him … and ->? him. . . and
> (er) 71: back, I ->? back. I [so: No, the original is fine.]
> (er) 92: heck … !’ gasps ->? heck. . . !’ gasps
> (er) 104: Macy and Langdon's car ->? Macy's and Langdon's car [so: No;
> cf. Uncle Jonas and Aut Betty-Ann's]
> (er) 109: them … and ->? them. . . and
> (er) 121: ‘No … ! =.? ‘No. . . !
> (er) 127: Don't … hurt … me … ->? Don't. . . hurt. . . me. . .
> (er) 131: him … , and ->? him. . . , and
> (er) 132, 210: kill me, please -> kill me. Please [so: No, the
> original
> is OK.]
> (er) 144: Over there … ->? Over there. . .
> (er) 153: right … second left … second right … ->? right. . . second
> left. . . second right. . .
> (er) 154: … in … the ->? . . . in. . . the
> (er) 173: guy … be ->? guy. . . be
> (er) 173: Pretty … pretty … ->? Pretty. . . pretty. . .
> (er) 178: right … second left … second right … ->? right. . . second
> left. . . second right. . .
> (er) 225: guilty; and ->? guilty, and [so: items/clauses in a list.]
> (er) 237: two … right ->? two. . . right
> (er) 247: heck … !’ you =.>? heck. . . !’ you
> (er) 250: strong … she'll ->? strong. . . she'll
> (er) 250: her … let ->? her. . . let
> (er) 253: Better … ->? Better. . .
> (er) 276: bluffing … he's =.? bluffing. . . he's
> (er) 277: Third right … second left … second right … ->? Third right. .
> . second left. . . second right. . .
> (er) 301: bluffing … he's scared and ->? bluffing. . . He's scared and
> [lm: OR bluffing,. . . he's scared, and]
> (er) 315: Later … ->? Later. . .
> (er) 318: bandits … maybe ->? bandits. . . maybe
> (er) 318: flat … hell ->? flat. . . hell
> (er) 320: Rick, we've ->? Rick; we've [so: This is OK as-is; the use of
> a direct address is properly off-set by commas.]
> (er) 325: heck … !’ you =.>? heck. . . !’ you
> (er) 326: Don't … hurt … me … ->? Don't. . . hurt. . . me. . .
> (er) 342: get … ->? get. . .
>
> --
> Simon Osborne
> Project Aon
>
> ~~~~~~
> Manage your subscription at http://www.freelists.org/list/projectaon
>
>
Other related posts: