It's interesting that between us, we know of three totally blind men who
married wives with sight and who completely dominated them. There's a pattern
here, I think, which has something to do with male chauvinism or some such
thing. We had a silent member of this list. He was on the list because he knew
me. I've recently heard that he died sometime within 2017, I think. The story
of my relationship with him is complicated, and his story is very very
complicated. But here's a brief outline as it relates to this discussion. This
was an incredibly intelligent man who had RP so he had excellent partial vision
when he was young, and practically no vision at all by the time he reached his
fifties. Along with the vision problem, I suspect that he had Asperger's
Syndrome or something similar. But whatever it was, no one knew about it when
he was young. He was born in 1935. Anyway, he married a sighted woman, was a
rehab counselor for a while, earned a PhD in Psychology, and was the head
psychologist at the New York Lighthouse until he was fired. I know, but only
because he lived with me on and off for four years, that he terrorized his
wife. But she stayed married to him for about 30 years and they had a child.
His rages were so impossible to deal with, and he was so completely unable to
discuss differences of opinion or compromise, that his wife was afraid to
separate from him in the usual way. Because she was sighted and was therefore
handling their bank accounts, she secretly slowly took money from their joint
account until she had enough to leave. She left in secret, when he was away
from the house. When he returned home, she called him and told him that she had
left him. People who knew him at the time, and his sister, whom I got to know
many years later, were horrified that this woman could sneak out of the house
and leave a totally blind man alone in the house with no help and no
transportation. (This was the Long Island suburbs where there's hardly any
public transport, and certainly not where he lived). Under other circumstances,
I, too, would be horrified. But I lived with the man and was the object of his
rage, and I understood exactly what his wife went through and why she left in
the way that she did. His rage was so palpable that his new guide dog developed
colitis after having been with him for about 5 months. And I, too, developed
the same disease from which I still suffer. After his wife left, he went to
Helen Keller Services for rehabilitation so he could live alone independently.
There, he met a partially sighted woman who worked in a clerical position. They
had a romance. He was convincing her to separate permanently from her husband
so he could marry her, but things didn't work out. She returned to her husband
who was also partially sighted. About 11 years ago, he was run over on a busy
wide thoroughfare. Eventually, my friend was back in touch with this former
girlfriend. She married him, perhaps in 2016. I can't imagine what possessed
her to do that except that he had more money than she had and she was a good
deal younger than he. There are many stories to tell about blind folks. I
think people are writing the wrong kind of books about us. Instead of
inspirational tales, they should be writing romances and suspense novels.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Sunday, March 25, 2018 2:33 PM
To: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [blind-democracy] Re: Nolan Crabb, former editor of Braille Forum
What a sad story, Miriam. It does make me pause and smile over my good fortune
to have such a partner for my wife.
Years back while I was directing the OTC, I convinced the agency director to
create a position for a recreation coordinator. The idea was to help newly
blind students to become involved in community activities as one means of
making contacts with potential employers.
My first coordinator did such a great job that she caught the eye of the VR
Director, and he stole her away from me. The new agency director told me who I
should hire to replace her. This was a young partially sighted woman who had
been a physical education student.
Despite my objections, she became the new activities coordinator. I remember
joining in with a group meeting she was conducting. Someone asked her if she
would marry a blind man. "No," she said without hesitating, "I love to ride in
fast cars, and I plan on finding a husband with a fast, late model car". And
she did. And it was a fast but short marriage.
Carl Jarvis
On 3/24/18, Miriam Vieni <miriamvieni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
That was also true of Paul Sauerland. He had been a member of an
organization of blind men in NJ who believed that blind men should
marry sighted women so they would be properly cared for. Paul was a
"good Catholic", by which I mean, an extremely rigid Catholic. He
married a partially sighted woman who had been deen teaching, I think,
and may also have attended the NY Institute for the Blind, which is a
whole story unto itself. She was attending social work school. But
she, too, was a "good Catholic" which meant that being a wife and
mother came first. She left graduate school and became Paul's helpmate
and the object of his scorn when she didn't perform properly. They had
6 children, one of whom, unfortunately, was born deaf. Paul was unable to
relate to him at all.
Anyway, someone who lived in their neighborhood, but who didn't know
them, and whom I met in another context years later, told me that Paul
was known by the children in the neighborhood as "that mean blind
man". But Paul was good at his job, politically liberal, and an active
and helpful member of the Long Island chapter of ACB. Mary was, and
still is, at almost 90 years of age, very self effacing. She has
always sacrificed her comfort and her interests for her husband and
her children. She moved into the basement apartment of her house and
let her deaf son and his family live in her entire split level house
when they had no place to live because they were unable to pay rent to
another one of her sons for the apartment in his house. The deaf son has a
deaf wife and 3 children, one of whom his deaf.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Saturday, March 24, 2018 10:09 AM
To: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [blind-democracy] Re: Nolan Crabb, former editor of Braille
Forum
Ah yes! Don Nolde. It was Don Nolde whom I met and found rather
aloof...or sullen. Now I shall say a dozen Hail Nolan Crabb's and an
act of condition, and ask for forgiveness.
Speaking of blind guys bossing their wives around, a fellow I had
great respect for as an innovative genius, Manuel Urena, who also
bossed his sighted wife, Pat, like she were a naughty child. A bright
woman in her own right. Still, Pat took it from him. Over the
passing years I found that I was struggling with the two sides of
Manuel, and his ugly side was beginning to overshadow his intellectual
side...maybe even impact it. I've often wondered what sort of self
image Pat must have had, in order to accept the constant put down and
disregard by a husband who would never be an equal partner.
Carl Jarvis
On 3/24/18, Miriam Vieni <miriamvieni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Don Nolde was editor of Dialogue. I met him on some Evergreen trips.
He had a partially sighted wife whom he bossed around. They had a
summer home in Spearfish South Dakota and he eventually convinced the
branch of the U of South Dakota which was located there, to have a
summer session each year for blind people that was like Elderhostel
where you lived in the college dorms and attended classes given by
university professors. There were huge numbers of sighted volunteers
from the town, who helped out each day. It was quite a project. I
attended one year and learned all about western history and Indians
with trips to all sorts of places like the old fashioned western
town, can't remember its name, all set up for tourists. I didn't tour
the town, but spent that afternoon in the tavern. And then another
year, they did a trip to the national park near there. There was a
history professor who considered Harry Truman to be one of our
greatest presidents.
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Saturday, March 24, 2018 1:24 AM
To: blind-democracy <blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: [blind-democracy] Nolan Crabb, former editor of Braille
Forum
Well, I did remember correctly the fact that Nolan Crabb was editor
of the Braille Forum in the past, before Penny R. But I think I
still confused him with some other blind person...they do all look
alike, don't you know?
Jan 6, 2013 - The Braille Forum Volume LI January 2013 No. 5.
Published by the American Council of the Blind. The American Council
of the Blind strives to ...... Former "Braille Forum" editor Nolan
Crabb received the American Council of the Blind of Ohio's Ambassador
Award at the ACBO convention on Oct.
27.
Directory of Electronic Journals, Newsletters, and Academic ...
https://books.google.com/books?id=v2rgAAAAMAAJ
1994 - BITNET (Computer network)
Back issues: contact Nolan Crabb, The Braille Forum Contact: Nolan
Crabb, Editor The Braille Forum 1155 15th St., NW, Suite 720
Washington, DC 20005
Phone:
202-467-5081 Fax: 202-467-5085 Sharon Lovering, Editorial Assistant
The Braille Forum 1155 15th St., NW, Suite 720 Washington, DC 20005
Phone: ...