That last part reminded me of an incident. There was a certain store I frequented
now and then. I went in maybe about once a month and the staff were familiar enough
with me. Actually, since I doubt that they got many blind customers just one visit
probably would have been enough for them to recognize me. But every time I was there
I was alone and they spoke to me and were friendly enough. Then one day I happened
to walk in with a female friend of mine. For convenience's sake I was walking
sighted guide with her arm in arm. This time the two guys behind the counter did not
bother to speak to me. They only spoke to her and praised her for showing me around
and for taking care of me. That reminded me of something that I was told very early
on when I lost my eyesight. I have mentioned before that before I became blind I had
had very little contact with blind people at all. However, just toward the end of my
sighted days there was a blind guy who frequented a bar I frequented. It turned out
that he had a lot more eyesight than I had thought. Right after my eyesight had
deteriorated to the point that I could no longer recognize a person by looking at
him or her - that was the point that I started considering myself blind - he said to
me, "Just wait until you hear would he like coffee. Even though it had nothing
to do with coffee I think I was experiencing just what he was talking about when
those two store clerks started talking to my companion about me rather than to me.
---
Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence.
”
― Christopher Hitchens,
On 4/21/2019 5:29 PM, Miriam Vieni wrote:
Carl,
When I read your story about that long ago date, it reminded me of a rather unpleasant experience that I had.
I read your message and thought, "class differences", and then I remembered this trip to France
that I took. There was a woman, a travel agent, who had arranged a few trips for blind people. I'd been on
several of her trips. She was very wealthy. I think that her husband had died by the time that I knew her.
The trips that she arranged for blind travelers were relatively inexpensive, but she was accustomed to a very
different kind of life. Her clothes were simple, but very expensive. She was kind and down-to-earth. I wanted
to see France. She agreed to accompany me as a sighted guide if I paid her passage, and she chose a very nice
tour. Now she had accompanied Art and me on a very nice English tour, but apparently, the people who went on
that company's tours, (it was called Tauck), although they had money, they tended to be very different from
the people who patronized the company that did the French tour. These people were, however, the kind of
people with whom Lois, my guide, was very comfortable. So the tour was lovely. The food was amazing. Lois had
a lot in common with the other people on the tour. But although they were polite to me, they were distant.
They didn't usually eat with us. I felt very much like this weird person, an outcast, someone who was
socially unacceptable, a child to whom people would be kind and over whom they would watch. Now I was on
other sighted tours, the English one, one Tauck tour to Italy with my friends, and one Tauck tour to China
with a different sighted person acting as a guide, and I never felt that way on those other tours. And
believe me, especially on that China tour, all those people had lots more money than I. I would have liked
to return to France, under different circumstances. Of course, I can tell stories about the tours for blind
people and how uncomfortable I felt about the way in which the sighted guides on those tours treated us and
about the attitudes of the people who arranged the tours. I am, perhaps, over sensitive. But I was, after
all, a paying customer. A long time ago, I had a job as a dishwasher, in a summer camp for blind adults. I
may have talked on this list about some of my experiences at that camp, or possibly, it was a different list.
Anyway, the camp director had very good relationships with the wealthy people who owned beach houses near the
camp. I was in a boat with a group of campers, driven by the assistant director, past some of those summer
beach houses one day. Mary turned off the motor so she could wave to the people on the beach and chat with
them. And I remember one of the women saying to her, out loud, so all of us could hear. "Mary it's just
so wonderful how you take care of them". I was about seventeen at the time. When we left the area, I
said something to Mary about that, something to the effect that it was thoughtless of that woman to talk to
her as if we weren't there and couldn't hear, and as if everyone of us was helpless. And she answered,
"Just be grateful that they're kind and contribute money to the camp. If we were in Nazi Germany, you'd
all have been gased".
Miriam,
Miriam
-----Original Message-----
From: blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
<blind-democracy-bounce@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> On Behalf Of Carl Jarvis
Sent: Sunday, April 21, 2019 4:29 PM
To: Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@xxxxxxx>
Cc: blind-democracy@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject: [blind-democracy] Re: Another cultural misunderstanding
Roger,
In my defense, I was only 22 at the time, and easily intimidated by pretty
girls. There are many things I would do differently if I only knew then what I
know now.
Funny thing, this life. We live a long time and end up knowing all the things
we should have known at the front end of life. But by the time we get it all
figured out...we are usually far too feeble to put it to any good use.
Carl Jarvis
On 4/21/19, Roger Loran Bailey <rogerbailey81@xxxxxxx> wrote:
I think I would have told her that I was booked solid for the next
twenty-five years before she got a chance to tell me.
---
Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without
evidence. ”
― Christopher Hitchens,
On 4/21/2019 11:21 AM, Carl Jarvis wrote:
Interesting. It would appear that all of a culture's practices had
a practical origin. We accept them because it's expected of us.
Like shaking hands. The practice of showing no weapons was done by
grasping the other person's dominant hand with your dominant hand,
normally the right hand. Today we nod when we are introduced to
someone of a higher station or position. That nod came from a full
bow from the waist. The full bow came from a custom of dropping to
the knees and prostrating before the superior person, usually
stretching the arms out in front and touching the forehead to the
ground, with the rear end high in the air. This show of
"respect"/submission, came from an ancient time when the superior man
mounted the backside of his "inferior". Think of that the next time
you give a nod of respect or drop your eyes when meeting a person of
higher status.
Back in the late 50's I dated a very attractive young woman of
obvious superior status. I know this because she eventually told me
so...as she bid me farewell.
We agreed to meet after work in downtown Seattle, and we began to
walk to a local restaurant. She stopped abruptly and said,
"Gentlemen walk on the outside". She was referring to the fact that
I was setting out on the side closest to the buildings, leaving her
to walk next to the traffic...although the curb lane was full of parked cars.
I exchanged sides, but explained that she was more apt to be struck
by something falling from an open window, than by a parked car. "Well,"
she then said, "It's still a matter of respect". I recall that our
dinner included a fat fried chicken thigh. As I began to reach for
my chicken thigh, to pick it up and chomp down, as we Jarvis' were
wont to do, she picked up her knife and fork and began cutting off
little tiny bites. And so, following suit, I proceeded to do the
same, butchering that poor defenseless piece of chicken all over the
table and my pants and the floor.
Being visually impaired, I had fully intended to take my date home on
the local bus. But after noting her "refined ways", I decided I'd
better spring for a cab. We walked up to her door and I put my arm
around her...another wonderful custom, and bent toward her lips,
anticipating that magical moment. She turned her cheek at the last
moment and placed the palms of her hands on my chest, pushing me
backward. This was another ancient custom that signaled to all
gentlemen that a second date was probably not in the cards. But I
sucked in a deep breath and lied, telling her that I'd had a
wonderful time, and would she care to do this again. She assured me
that she was booked solid for the next 25 years, and besides, I gave
new meaning to the old adage, Diamond in the Rough.
But I see that once again I've wandered off the subject.
Carl Jarvis
On 4/20/19, Roger Loran Bailey <dmarc-noreply@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
Thinking about this habit of Africans asking for gifts as a way to
show you honor, I just thought of another example that is similar.
That is, it is similar in that it involves making gifts. I think I
read this in an anthropology text book too. There was a certain
tribe of native Americans. I forget which one. To honor you and to
show good will it was their practice to make a gift to you that they
had no intention that you would keep. It was just to show
friendliness and good will. Then soon after giving you the gift they
would ask for it back. People from a white European culture did not
necessarily understand this. If you were to say, no, you gave it to
me and I'm keeping it, the giver would be highly offended. The same
white Europeans would also be confused if they offered a gift and it
was accepted and then the native American who had received the gift
turned around and gave it back. I understand that this is where the
phrase Indian giver came from. But can you imagine the confusion that this
example of culture shock caused?
--
---
Christopher Hitchens
“ What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed
without evidence. ”
― Christopher Hitchens,