[etni] Re: Our lying cheating natures
- From: avi tsur <tsuravi@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <davidrherz@xxxxxxxxx>, bus-etni <etni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 15 Jul 2009 07:19:27 +0300
I fully agree with David ~ a great answer. Enclosed is an excerpt from Korczak
A child is a piece of parchment which has been thoroughly covered with minute
hieroglyphics, only a very small part of which will you ever be able to
decipher.
As a parent, you say: "She ought to?I want her to?" And you look for a pattern
for your child to follow and you search for a life which you wish for her to
have. You ignore the fact that all around you there is nothing but mediocrity
and banality. People wander around, bustle, they fuss over small problems,
fleeting aspirations, uninspired goals, unfulfilled hopes, perpetual longing.
The child is like a butterfly hovering above a raging torrent of life. How to
imbue her with toughness without encumbering her lightness in flight; how to
temper her without wetting her wings? Should one offer one's own example, help,
advice, and words? But what if she rejects them all?
Just remember: A child hungry for advice and direction will absorb it, digest
it, and assimilate it. Overfed with moral rules the child will suffer from
nausea.
Just remember: When is the proper time for a child to start walking? When she
does. When should her teeth start cutting? When they do. How many hours should
a baby sleep? As long as she needs to.
As a parent, you say: "But is the child clever?" If a parent anxiously asks
this question right from the start, it will not take long before the parent
will be placing demands on the child. Eat up your food, even if you are not
hungry and feel nauseated; go to bed, even though you are not tired and will
have to wait an hour to fall asleep. Because you have to, and because I want
you to be healthy.
Just remember: Mentalities vary, and children can be steady or capricious,
compliant or contrary, creative or imitative, witty or earnest, concrete or
abstract; the memory can be exceptional or average; some are congenital despots
while others have a wide range of interests.
Excerpted from Loving Every Child, edited by Sandra Joseph. (c) 2007 by Sandra
Joseph. Reprinted by permission of Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.
> From: davidrherz@xxxxxxxxx
> To: etni@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: [etni] Our lying cheating natures
> Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2009 08:54:25 +0300
>
> I can't help responding again. The post by Adi represents an incorrect,
> unfortunate and unfortunately all too common, view of human nature. We are
> not born into this world as liars, cheats and con artists. We only become
> those things as a result of the perverse incentives that place lying and
> deception above our natural inclinations. If that were human nature, we
> would not "grow out of it." If it were human nature - if it were our nature
> in other words - why would we be bothered by it?
>
>
> My children don't, as a rule, do those things. I don't find that most of
> the children I meet do those things either. If we relate to our children as
> honest and good, they will be that. If we don't lie and deceive them, maybe
> they will have no interest in doing so to us. If you have ever met up with
> home-schooled students or the students of a democratic school, you will find
> students that have no incentive to cheat. They learn for its own sake, and
> like it.
>
>
>
> What our school system does though is tell students that numbers that make
> up grades are important. How many parents whose kids come home with a good
> report card actually inquire "But what have you learned?" We join in the
> call for good grades without ever inquiring as to what we are encouraging.
> When we, and our system, tell them that the number is important, they will
> seek the means to maximize that number. When we, as educators, are doing
> our job, our students should be coming home inspired to learn. As it is,
> when the school year ends, they have done what was asked of them and think
> that they have "learned."
>
>
>
> Consider the child, or even the adult, with a special interest in some area,
> be it astronomy, guitar, tennis, or any other subject. No grade is required
> for him to seek greater knowledge or understanding. He does it with joy.
> In my own experience, I can recall the Monarch notes I read to get over in
> an English class. It was only years later I actually read those books with
> joy. My older sister, on the other hand, only reads when she has to. She
> never got the joy of it. My wife, an avid reader from a very young age,
> recalls that she was reading a book and when she decided to use it for a
> book report, she lost interest in it and never finished it.
>
>
>
> As to the research about lying, I don't know about it. My youngest likes to
> make up stories. They are fiction, but I don't chalk it up to a lying
> nature. It is easy enough to draw the line between his stories and the
> "truth."
>
>
>
> I think I have made my point. We kill our children's interest in learning
> for its own sake, then tell them to go out and get good grades, and act
> surprised when they do what is necessary to get them. We tell them to get
> the degree, but we don't spend a lot of time inspiring them to learn or
> dwelling on honor and honesty and concern for their fellow man. Maybe if we
> dwelled on those things instead, and gave up grades, or made them at most an
> incidental measure, we might actually achieve our higher goals.
>
>
>
> Perhaps what makes us exceptional is simply that we have resisted, or have
> been brought up to resist, the many perverting influences that drive our
> students to cheat and deceive, but if this was available to us, we should be
> able to find a way to bring it forward to our students.
>
>
>
> Yours Truly,
>
>
>
> David R. Herz
>
> Drh16@xxxxxxxxxxx
>
> drherz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Have we forgotten our childhood???
>
> That's what kids do, they cheat and deceive their parents, teachers etc. and
>
>
> we remain hopeful that they don't exaggerate/get caught, or that they grow
>
> out of it at some point.
>
> They do it at university too...and it is a badge of honor according to them
>
> so we might as well accept it as such. I tell them, if you cheated and I
>
> didn't find out, good for you, but don't count on it - and if I catch
>
> you.... G-d forbid...
>
> There are plenty of researchers showing that the lying phase/tendency in
>
> childhood predicts an especially bright and creative child!
>
> Yet, it is our job to "catch" them...
>
> Good luck
>
> Adi
>
>
>
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