[projectaon] Re: Grand Master comment period [Book 13]
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2012 12:02:19 +0100
On 11/04/2012 22:24, Jonathan Blake wrote:
On Tue, Apr 10, 2012 at 4:00 AM, Simon Osborne<outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
BOOK 13:
(er) 22: scrabbling his throat -> scrabbling at his throat
I don't use "scrabble". Is it incorrect to use it without the "at"?
Maybe others know better, but I'm not aware that it is correct with out
"at" in this context.
(er) 185: spell--Lightning Hand--as -> spell<spell>Lightning Hand</spell>
as
fixed
(ne) 185: Hand</spell>as -> Hand</spell> as [so: ;-) ]
(er) 191: The chain glances your [so: Should this be "glances off your"? If
so, this has a knock-on effect to other instances where it is used in this
way.]
I think it's OK as-is.
Phew!
(er) 284: [so: Revise the options layout as per recent discussion regarding
Book 8.]
What about changing the last two choices to the following?
~~~~~
If you do not possess this Grand Master Discipline, you can
investigate either the east tunnel by turning to 118
-- or the west tunnel by turning to 189.
~~~~~
I tend to agree with Ben on this one, that a slightly better alternative
would be moving the ellipsis to before the word "or", but I'm not hugely
opinionated either way...
You might also want to do a search in 13tplor for instances of ", and" since
there might be a few occasions where the comma could be lost, going by
recent adjustments to comma usage.
Any context in particular? It would take quite a while to go through
all the false positives on that search. :)
Heh! I was just getting frustrated with the damn spell-checker that
seemed to be flagging up ", and" in every other Section! Checking with
different criteria flagged up far fewer instances, most of which are
probably correct as-is. Nevertheless, here is what I spotted this time:
(er) 62: under the blow, and its four companions -> under the blow and
its four companions
(er) 84: these creature are -> these creatures are
(er) 85: crude dwellings, and estimate -> crude dwellings and estimate
[so: probably not.]
(er) 186: serves as its mouth, and a long tail -> serves as its mouth
and a long tail
(er) 244: over its shoulder, and eagerly -> over its shoulder and
eagerly [so: probably not?]
(er) 265: Upon hearing this the congregation -> Upon hearing this, the
congregation [so: Maybe?]
(er) 266: this eerie passageway, and you feel a warmth radiating ->
this eerie passageway and you feel a warmth radiating [so: Maybe?]
Since checking the rest of the books (14-20) with the original criteria
flagged up fewer instances, I think they're probably not in need of a
second pass. Good!
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
~~~~~~
Manage your subscription at http://www.freelists.org/list/projectaon
Other related posts: