[projectaon] Re: Grand Master comment period [Book 13]
- From: Jonathan Blake <jonathan@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 13 Apr 2012 15:46:24 -0700
On Thu, Apr 12, 2012 at 12:33 AM, Benjamin I Krefetz
<krefetz@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
> On Wed, 11 Apr 2012, Jonathan Blake wrote:
>
>> On Tue, Apr 10, 2012 at 4:00 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
>> wrote:
>>>
>>> On 10/04/2012 00:15, Jonathan Blake wrote:
>
>
>>> (er) 284: [so: Revise the options layout as per recent discussion
>>> regarding
>>> Book 8.]
>>
>>
>> What about changing the last two choices to the following?
>>
>> ~~~~~
>> If you do not possess this Grand Master Discipline, you can
>> investigate either the east tunnel by turning to 118
>>
>> -- or the west tunnel by turning to 189.
>> ~~~~~
>
>
> Maybe an ellipsis instead of a dash? The dash looks kind of funny as a way
> to continue the sentence.
I see what you mean. Do you think it would be better to have the
ellipsis at the beginning of the last choice (in place of the dash) or
at the end of that first choice?
>>> (er) 324: forearm and -> forearm, and [so: Serial comma?]
>>
>>
>> I separated it into two sentences: "He lunges. You deflect his weak
>> attack with your right forearm and counter it with a left hook...".
>
> That sounds a bit choppy. Maybe add an "and", as in, "He lunges, and you
> deflect..."?
Done.
--
Jon
~~~~~~
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