[projectaon] Re: Wolf's Bane errors
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 31 Jan 2009 13:39:37 +0000
Hi Anders
Anders Österberg wrote:
I just thought I should leave a contribution to Project Aon, even if
it's a small one. I haven't had the time to read Wolf's Bane properly,
so it's quite possible I have missed a few things. Anyway:
Excellent! Thanks for this. It all helps. Several of the issues I've "escalated" to Jon as the final
arbiter of what should be fixed.
* The Story So Far: "The crowd were quietly hostile". Crowd is singular,
so it should read: "The crowd was quietly hostile".
Agreed. Fixed.
* Section 38: sweep/swoop. I don't know if this is an error, but it
looks a bit odd. The winds sweep Lone Wolf close to a rock, and then,
just a few lines below, Lone Wolf suddenly swoop past some more rocks.
English is not my first language, so I had to look this up in a
dictionary. But I'm still not sure I understand the distinction between
the words. In this case the sweeping seems to indicate that it's an
involuntary movement (due to the strong winds), but if I'm not mistaken
swooping means an intentional movement, like a bird of prey swoops
down on its target. So Lone Wolf swoops past a rock he deliberately
intended to miss? I don't know if this counts as an error, but to me it
sounds a bit weird, as Lone Wolf first sweeps, and then swoops past some
rocks. Wouldn't it be better to use sweep in both cases?
No, though I'm not the best person to explain why . . . :-\
The text is not in error because the winds sweep you and your mount (i.e. against your will), but
then your mount swoops (i.e. a deliberate manoeuvre). Rejected.
* Sections 56, 102, 248: Darkened staircase/stairway/stairwell. Again,
English is not my first language, but shouldn't it just read "dark"?
Otherwise it would indicate that it's darker than it normally is.
No, the stairwell is darker than the ambient light in the room you're standing in, hence
"darkened".
* Sections 77, 246: "toa trees". I don't know what a Toa tree is, but
shouldn't it be capitalized since it's a name?
No (cf. oak tree, beech tree, etc.).
Section 112: "Your return to Sommerlund will not be alone, Wolf's Bane".
This strikes me as an odd thing to say. Shouldn't it read: "You will not
return to Sommerlund alone, Wolf's Bane"?
Hmm. It's not exactly incorrect, but it is a cumbersome turn of phrase. I'll escalate this to Jon
for a final decision.
* Illustration VIII (section 128): "he eyes of the gigantic serpent
radiate waves of evil, chilling you to your soul". There should be a "T"
there, as in "The eyes".
D'oh! I can't believe I missed that one! Thanks for spotting this--it would have been red faces all
round if we'd let this one slip through the QA net! :-) Fixed!
* Section 331: "Nothing could have prepared you for the sight that now
meets your gaze - it is the foulest you have ever seen." There should be
a "thing" there, as in "it is the foulest thing you have ever seen". The
text below the illustration is correct.
Hmm. Again, the text isn't incorrect. In the sentence, "it" is referring to "the sight" and it is
not wrong to say "[the sight] is the worst you've ever seen". That said, it is another cumbersome
phrase. Escalated to Jon.
* Section 350: "If you are to prevent the Dark God from launching his
armies of night into Magnamund..." I'm fairly certain Armies of Night
should be capitalized.
I can see where you're coming from with this one too. Arguments could probably be made for either
capitalising it or leaving it alone, so I'll escalate this to Jon as well. (Sorry, Jon!)
Well, that's all I could find. Hopefully there are no more errors. But I
read through the text very hastily, so chances are I missed a few things.
Thanks! The issues you've pointed out are all good ones (even the ones we've rejected) and this sort
of discussion really helps. I've added you to the Acknowledgements page as an editor because you've
read through the whole book and reported a number of issues. Hopefully you can find the time to do
the same with The Curse of Naar in about a month's time! ;-)
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
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