[projectaon] Re: Comment Period for 24rw
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Wed, 10 Nov 2010 11:18:14 +0000
Hi
For simplicity, I've collected all the reported issues here. I've fixed
in xml all the (ne) issues, Rejected one (with reasoning), and added one
of my own. I think we can go ahead and fix all but 168 (which might
require a footnote), though a second opinion on 325 and the exact
wording of the fix for 346 would be helpful.
(er) The Story So Far: "thirty-three years after the First Order of the
Kai were almost wiped out..." were -> was [ao, dd]
(er) The Story So Far: "he pointed to a landlocked realm east of the
great River Storn." West. The landlocked realm [Eldenora] lies on the
west bank of Storn, so it should read "west of the great River Storn." [ao]
(er) 168: [ss: it says "Rouf rushes into the cabin to untie his kin..."
however, no matter which option you follow in this section, you end up
being the first to go into the cabin, for example, Section 49: "... they
see Rouf following behind you." You can't even say that Rouf went in,
untied them, then came back out again, because he would have warned his
kin about your attire.]
(er) 174: maybe change the comma at the end of the third choice to an
ellipsis
(er) 226: (two changes) horde and, as of Vandyan himself -> horde, and
as for Vandyan himself
(er) 325: Paragraph break before "For Sommerlund and the Kai!"
(er) 346: "you [...] give thanks to Ishir that the riders were not armed
with more cavalry crossbows. Bor pistols are notoriously inaccurate..."
-> "you [...] give thanks to Ishir that the riders were not armed with
[the] more [accurate] cavalry crossbow." [so: Prefer: '...armed with
more accurate cavalry crossbows.']
FIXED (ne)
(ne) The Story So Far: a link to the map might be helpful here
(ne) 24, 52, 73, 84, 92, 126, 160, 217, 264, 277, 282, 304: footnotes
should read "their unique properties". (cf. 75)
(ne) 148: the numbered list should be marked-up with <ol>...</ol>
(ne) 299: Footnote could state definitely that this is a reptilian
opponent (cf. Section 143) instead of "apparently".
(ne) 330: hang dawn -> hang down
REJECTED
(ne) 182: [ss: "If your Kai Weapon is ‘Alema’ or ‘Kaistar’, you may add
the appropriate bonus gained from their unique properties." My
inclination was to then try and find the original table of these Kai
weapons. Granted that people may be noting the benefits of their weapon
in their action charts, but I thought that perhaps a link back to the
Kai weapon table would be useful.] [so: When you're playing, you only
need to remember the special abilities of your own Kai Weapon, not all
of them.]
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
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