[projectaon] Wolf's Bane Outstanding Issues
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: Project Aon <projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2009 11:30:59 +0000
Hi
It's a couple of days late, but hopefully won't affect the release schedule. ;-)
--------------------------------------------------
(er) 19: vain, eh!’ -> ??? vain, eh?’ [LM]
[jb: can't decide - leave it]
I remember reading that a question can still be an exclamation, so this is
probably OK as-is.
(er) 22: corolla, from where -> ??? corolla, where [LM]
[jb: it's correct as-is]
I had to look this one up! Corolla = "the collective name for the petals of a flower." This might be
OK as-is.
(er) 30: what the dangers -> what dangers
[jb: correct as-is]
"...vow that you will never lose hope, no matter what the dangers you may have yet
to face."
It definitely seems to me that this should be altered.
(er) 38, 84, 163, 192, 244: rock from where -> ??? rock where (OR) rock
from which [LM]
[jb: correct as-is - "hollow in the porous rock" is the referent of "from
where"]
This is probably OK as-is.
(er) 57: power word -> word of power
[jb: correct as-is]
It's certainly not incorrect as-is, but the name of the spell is Power Word. Should this therefore
be <spell>Power Word</spell>? That would look messy. I thought disambiguating "word of power" from
the actual spell name would be better. On the other hand, "...utter the word of power of the Elder
Magi..." might not be as punchy. I'll defer to you, Jon.
(er) 71: You are moving between cover [LM: This is probably right, but
it sounds funny to me]
[jb: agreed, it sounds funny, but it's correct]
Thirded; it sounds strange, but it's correct. Rejected?
(er) 98, 280: Having done as she requests, she -> When you have done
as she requests, she [LM]
[jb: correct as-is]
Hmm. I think I agree with LeRoy on this one. "Having done as she requests" relates to you, but the
rest of the sentence is actually all about Alyss. It does read strangely.
(er) 116, 340: past, therefore -> past; therefore [LM]
[jb: correct as-is]
I can see where LeRoy is coming from with this one, too. It's the use of the word 'therefore' that
makes me think the semi-colon would be better. If the sentence read, "...as it swoops past, so you
need..." the comma would be sufficient.
(er) 131: incarcerated -> interred [LM]
[jb: I'm trying to decide if this is just metaphoric speech]
Doesn't seem to invoke metaphor to my ears. I think this should be changed.
(er) 178, 305: corolla, to where -> corolla, where (cf ref 22) [LM]
[jb: correct as-is]
This does seem correct as-is.
(er) 182, 206: immediately [LM: Why immediately? Does it really matter
when you use the leaves?]
[jb: flavor text?]
Agreed, it's written to elicit a heightened level of tension from the reader. This can probably be
Rejected.
(er) 234: Hold Enemy and -> Hold Enemy, and (for consistency; this is how the commas are generally
used in lw) [LM]
[jb: we usually surround with commas, right? - also, I don't think Spell should
be capitalised]
1) Spell (e.g. Old Kingdom Spell) should definitely be capitalised, cf. Kai Discipline, Brotherhood
Spell.
2) Quoting 18dotd Section 9: "Quickly you intone the words of the Old Kingdom Spell Hold Enemy and
direct its power at Prince Lutha." Commas following or surrounding spell names seem to be on a
case-by-case basis. I think this instance requires a comma after, not necessarily before. Unless
commas surrounding Spell names will become part of the PAMoS?
(er) 251: games rules -> The Game Rules [also: link]
[jb: I don't think it's strictly necessary in this case; it seems to be used in
a generic sense]
Yeah, I was being a bit too picky with this one! :-) Suggest: Rejected.
(er) 331: blue-stained fangs. But it -> blue-stained fangs, but it [LM]
[jb: while technically correct, I think it makes the previous sentence unwieldy
- leave as-is]
Those two short sentences are there as a definite stylistic decision. Suggest:
Rejected.
(er) 336: maze of empty passageways which leads -> maze of empty passageways which lead (i.e. the
passageways lead rather than the maze leads) [LM]
[jb: I see where this is coming from, but it's debatable - I vote for leaving
as-is]
I can see the merits of either decision here. I'll go with the consensus; failing that, I'll go with
Jon!
--------------------------------------------------
Pending (Not Errata)
(ne) Title: origins [LM: it isn't clear what origins is]
Is there a website we can link to?
(ft) Disciplines: Grand Huntmastery -> footnote re: meals [DED: It is only in the Equipment section
that is says "If you have chosen the Discipline of Grand Huntmastery as one of your skills, you will
not need to tick off a Meal when instructed to eat." I was playing last night and I didn't read this
line until after I'd already chosen Grand Huntmastery, and then chosen 2 Meals for my equipment. We
could add a footnote here to explain the relevance of Huntmastery to meals]
There were a number of good points David made about the rules for the GM series. Most of them I
ultimately rejected as they related to "hidden loyalty bonuses" which are better placed in the
Readers' Handbook to avoid spoilers. This footnote would be a good idea, though, as it relates
directly to this book and the rules in this book.
The sentence can be taken verbatim from the Equipment section "If you have chosen the Discipline of
Grand Huntmastery as one of your skills, you will not need to tick off a Meal when instructed to eat."
We should add this either directly into the text of Grand Huntmastery (er); or
as a footnote (ft).
(??) 18, 210, 251, 320: [so: Can we improve this puzzle for
partially-sighted readers?]
To help here, the map needs a write-up. I might have a go at this later, but for the record, we
definitely need to cover:
* the number of islands south of the Kirlundin island of Hemd.
* the number of villages that lie on the highway between the cities of Toran
and Anskaven.
* the number of named Kirlundin Islands north of Egen.
* the number of villages to the east of Ragadorn.
* the number of villages that lie on the highway between the cities of Holmgard
and Ragadorn.
(??) 177, 252: [so: Can we improve this puzzle for partially-sighted readers by means of ALT image
text?]
Anyone feeling creative? Section 177 is the time bomb and Section 252 is the
dial combination lock.
--------------------------------------------------
Illustration Placements
small 12 Cloud castle [so: 109?]
I'd be interested in hearing feedback on the small illustration placements I've used, but
particularly with small12.png. It just doesn't seem to fit anywhere except Section 109, and that
already has Illustration 6 in it--which is also of the cloud castle! Help would be much appreciated
here.
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
~~~~~~
Manage your subscription at http://www.freelists.org/list/projectaon
Other related posts: