[projectaon] Re: Wolf's Bane Outstanding Issues
- From: "Jonathan Blake" <jonathan.blake@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2009 10:55:54 -0800
On Tue, Jan 13, 2009 at 3:30 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> (er) 30: what the dangers -> what dangers
> [jb: correct as-is]
>
> "...vow that you will never lose hope, no matter what the dangers you may
> have yet to face."
>
> It definitely seems to me that this should be altered.
Cf. "I will do it no matter what the cost."
> (er) 57: power word -> word of power
> [jb: correct as-is]
>
> It's certainly not incorrect as-is, but the name of the spell is Power Word.
> Should this therefore be <spell>Power Word</spell>? That would look messy. I
> thought disambiguating "word of power" from the actual spell name would be
> better. On the other hand, "...utter the word of power of the Elder Magi..."
> might not be as punchy. I'll defer to you, Jon.
I'm not opposed to <spell>Power Word</spell>.
> (er) 71: You are moving between cover [LM: This is probably right,
> but it sounds funny to me]
> [jb: agreed, it sounds funny, but it's correct]
>
> Thirded; it sounds strange, but it's correct. Rejected?
Rejected.
> (er) 98, 280: Having done as she requests, she -> When you have
> done as she requests, she [LM]
> [jb: correct as-is]
>
> Hmm. I think I agree with LeRoy on this one. "Having done as she requests"
> relates to you, but the rest of the sentence is actually all about Alyss. It
> does read strangely.
Ah, I see your collective point. :) I reverse my vote.
> (er) 116, 340: past, therefore -> past; therefore [LM]
> [jb: correct as-is]
>
> I can see where LeRoy is coming from with this one, too. It's the use of the
> word 'therefore' that makes me think the semi-colon would be better. If the
> sentence read, "...as it swoops past, so you need..." the comma would be
> sufficient.
Agreed. Fix.
> (er) 131: incarcerated -> interred [LM]
> [jb: I'm trying to decide if this is just metaphoric speech]
>
> Doesn't seem to invoke metaphor to my ears. I think this should be changed.
I'm actually leaning the other way. I'm loathe to change something
that Dever may have intended as something of a metaphor. It feels like
interfering with his artistic vision, and I don't feel a mandate to do
that. :)
> (er) 234: Hold Enemy and -> Hold Enemy, and (for consistency; this is
> how the commas are generally used in lw) [LM]
> [jb: we usually surround with commas, right? - also, I don't think Spell
> should be capitalised]
>
> 1) Spell (e.g. Old Kingdom Spell) should definitely be capitalised, cf. Kai
> Discipline, Brotherhood Spell.
>
> 2) Quoting 18dotd Section 9: "Quickly you intone the words of the Old
> Kingdom Spell Hold Enemy and direct its power at Prince Lutha." Commas
> following or surrounding spell names seem to be on a case-by-case basis. I
> think this instance requires a comma after, not necessarily before. Unless
> commas surrounding Spell names will become part of the PAMoS?
I see the spell name as a nonessential appositive which should be set
off from the sentence by commas. I believe that it's technically
correct to use commas, and may aid the reader.
> Pending (Not Errata)
> (ne) Title: origins [LM: it isn't clear what origins is]
>
> Is there a website we can link to?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origins_Game_Fair
http://www.originsgamefair.com/
> (ft) Disciplines: Grand Huntmastery -> footnote re: meals [DED: It is
> only in the Equipment section that is says "If you have chosen the
> Discipline of Grand Huntmastery as one of your skills, you will not need to
> tick off a Meal when instructed to eat." I was playing last night and I
> didn't read this line until after I'd already chosen Grand Huntmastery, and
> then chosen 2 Meals for my equipment. We could add a footnote here to
> explain the relevance of Huntmastery to meals]
>
> There were a number of good points David made about the rules for the GM
> series. Most of them I ultimately rejected as they related to "hidden
> loyalty bonuses" which are better placed in the Readers' Handbook to avoid
> spoilers. This footnote would be a good idea, though, as it relates directly
> to this book and the rules in this book.
>
> The sentence can be taken verbatim from the Equipment section "If you have
> chosen the Discipline of Grand Huntmastery as one of your skills, you will
> not need to tick off a Meal when instructed to eat."
>
> We should add this either directly into the text of Grand Huntmastery (er);
> or as a footnote (ft).
This is central enough that I vote for inclusion in the text, not a footnote.
> Illustration Placements
> small 12 Cloud castle [so: 109?]
>
> I'd be interested in hearing feedback on the small illustration placements
> I've used, but particularly with small12.png. It just doesn't seem to fit
> anywhere except Section 109, and that already has Illustration 6 in
> it--which is also of the cloud castle! Help would be much appreciated here.
Though not referencing the castle directly, perhaps 50 (and parallel
sections, if any) where you're in the castle and about to confront
Wolf's Bane. Kind of a leitmotif to Illustration 17.
--
Jon
~~~~~~
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