[projectaon] Re: Wolf's Bane Outstanding Issues
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sat, 17 Jan 2009 12:03:30 +0000
Jonathan Blake wrote:
On Wed, Jan 14, 2009 at 5:06 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
(er) 30: what the dangers -> what dangers
[jb: correct as-is]
Not to drag this out, but even the proposed correction still reads
awkwardly. Perhaps "You ... vow that you will never lose hope, no
matter what dangers you may yet face" would be clearer? Yes, this
represents a reversal of my opinion. :)
I'm sold on that! Fixed!
(er) 57: power word -> word of power
[jb: correct as-is]
I understand the desire to make it clear that this isn't _the_ Power
Word, but I think the best course here is to leave it alone.
To clarify: This should be Rejected, rather than <spell>Power Word</spell>, then? Sorry, I'm not
feeling too bright! >_<
(er) 234: Hold Enemy and -> Hold Enemy, and (for consistency; this is how
the commas are generally used in lw) [LM]
I've changed my mind about this one (call me moody). It always struck
me as fussy to add those commas even though I thought it was the
correct thing to do. However, grammar is not an exact science and this
reads fine as-is, especially when I saw the spell name italicized.
That should be separation enough for a reader I think.
So this should be Rejected and does not need a comma at all, not even after
<spell>Hold Enemy</spell>?
Pending (Not Errata)
(ne) Title: origins [LM: it isn't clear what origins is]
Let me get the ball rolling: "Five years later, in 1982, Joe won the
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons World Championships in Baltimore, an event
held before 16,000 people. Inspired and encouraged by this success at
Origins,..."
Notice "his" became "this". That was my attempt at editorial
minimalism. Not enough to make it clear? How about the following?
It's good, but . . .
"Five years later, in 1982 at the Origins Game Fair, Joe won the
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons World Championships in Baltimore, an event
held before 16,000 people. Inspired and encouraged by his success at
Origins, Joe decided to quit the music business and devote his time to
writing and games design."
Personally, I prefer this one. If there are no objections, I can commit the changes to he file
later, unless someone beats me to it. :-)
Descriptive alternatives to illustrations:
Added, with edits! Thanks, Jon. You might want to quickly check to see if I've added this data
correctly (I think I have).
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
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