[projectaon] Re: Wolf's Bane Outstanding Issues
- From: "Jonathan Blake" <jonathan.blake@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:35:59 -0800
On Wed, Jan 14, 2009 at 5:06 AM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>>> (er) 30: what the dangers -> what dangers
>>> [jb: correct as-is]
>>>
>>> "...vow that you will never lose hope, no matter what the dangers you may
>>> have yet to face."
>>>
>>> It definitely seems to me that this should be altered.
>>
>> Cf. "I will do it no matter what the cost."
>
> Which is a not a sentence structure I can say is used much where I live. ;-)
>
> Also, the phrase "...no matter what the cost." contains an implicit "may
> be": I will do it no matter what the cost [may be [to myself]].
>
> The sentence in this section doesn't leave it implicit: "You offer up a
> prayer to them to watch over you during the coming trial of strength, and
> vow that you will never lose hope, no matter what the dangers you may have
> yet to face."
>
> If the sentence had ended "...what the dangers." I could agree with you to
> an extent, but by adding on the "...you may yet have to face.", it changes
> the structure of the sentence so that "the" before "dangers" isn't just
> unnecessary, it actually breaks the flow of the sentence. IMHO, of course.
>
> But this will be my final say on the matter. ;-)
Not to drag this out, but even the proposed correction still reads
awkwardly. Perhaps "You ... vow that you will never lose hope, no
matter what dangers you may yet face" would be clearer? Yes, this
represents a reversal of my opinion. :)
>>> (er) 57: power word -> word of power
>>> [jb: correct as-is]
>>>
>>> It's certainly not incorrect as-is, but the name of the spell is Power
>>> Word.
>>> Should this therefore be <spell>Power Word</spell>? That would look
>>> messy. I
>>> thought disambiguating "word of power" from the actual spell name would
>>> be
>>> better. On the other hand, "...utter the word of power of the Elder
>>> Magi..."
>>> might not be as punchy. I'll defer to you, Jon.
>>
>> I'm not opposed to <spell>Power Word</spell>.
>
> Ah! I had a quick look and I found an example of why I wasn't happy just
> promoting power word to <spell>Power Word</spell>.
>
> 28THoS Section 41: "You shape your mouth in readiness to utter the Old
> Kingdom power word <spell>Gloar!</spell> and project..." It occurs in a few
> other books as well. This is why I proposed "power word -> word of power". I
> don't know if you have any further thoughts on this, Jon.
I understand the desire to make it clear that this isn't _the_ Power
Word, but I think the best course here is to leave it alone.
>>> (er) 234: Hold Enemy and -> Hold Enemy, and (for consistency; this
>>> is
>>> how the commas are generally used in lw) [LM]
>>> [jb: we usually surround with commas, right? - also, I don't think Spell
>>> should be capitalised]
>>>
>>> 2) Quoting 18dotd Section 9: "Quickly you intone the words of the Old
>>> Kingdom Spell Hold Enemy and direct its power at Prince Lutha." Commas
>>> following or surrounding spell names seem to be on a case-by-case basis.
>>> I
>>> think this instance requires a comma after, not necessarily before.
>>> Unless
>>> commas surrounding Spell names will become part of the PAMoS?
>>
>> I see the spell name as a nonessential appositive which should be set
>> off from the sentence by commas. I believe that it's technically
>> correct to use commas, and may aid the reader.
>
> OK, that sounds fair. How should we handle something like
> <spell>Gloar!</spell> when it occurs mid-sentence? Should we add a comma
> after it, or would that be unnecessary as the exclamation contains its own
> punctuation? Once I know, I'll get to work on Books 13-28 to implement this
> as a standard.
I've changed my mind about this one (call me moody). It always struck
me as fussy to add those commas even though I thought it was the
correct thing to do. However, grammar is not an exact science and this
reads fine as-is, especially when I saw the spell name italicized.
That should be separation enough for a reader I think.
>>> Pending (Not Errata)
>>> (ne) Title: origins [LM: it isn't clear what origins is]
>>>
>>> Is there a website we can link to?
>>
>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origins_Game_Fair
>>
>> http://www.originsgamefair.com/
>
> I spent about 10 minutes trying to work out exactly how to add in the link
> (not the technical <a idref> stuff; actually reworking the sentence(s)) and
> I'm stumped! >_< It hinges on the fact that when mentioned in the
> jdlwbio.inc file, Origins doesn't necessarily seem linked to the AD&D World
> Championships. If someone else wants to reword this and add in the link,
> please go ahead. :-)
Let me get the ball rolling: "Five years later, in 1982, Joe won the
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons World Championships in Baltimore, an event
held before 16,000 people. Inspired and encouraged by this success at
Origins,..."
Notice "his" became "this". That was my attempt at editorial
minimalism. Not enough to make it clear? How about the following?
"Five years later, in 1982 at the Origins Game Fair, Joe won the
Advanced Dungeons & Dragons World Championships in Baltimore, an event
held before 16,000 people. Inspired and encouraged by his success at
Origins, Joe decided to quit the music business and devote his time to
writing and games design."
> Descriptive alternatives to illustrations:
>
> Section 177:
>
> The bomb is a square, box-like device. On the front side, a large timer is
> counting down second by second. It is currently at 29. Beneath this are the
> four smaller windows. The first window contains the number 1.3000. The
> second window contains the number 13.000. The fourth window contains the
> number 1300.00. The third window is blank, awaiting the correct number.
>
> Section 252:
>
> The left bank of three dials are set to 21, 37, and 39 respectively. The
> first dial of the right bank is set to 37, leaving the display above the
> rightmost dial blank, awaiting your input.
>
> Map:
>
> The proud country of Sommerlund juts out eastwards into the cold Kaltesee,
> while to the west it abuts the grim, grey wall of the Durncrag Mountains, a
> natural barrier protecting the Sommlending from the evil Darklords of
> Helgedad. Despite its proximity to the Darklands, Sommerlund is a prosperous
> and fertile country, with many towns and villages. Dotted from north to
> south along the Durncrags lie border outposts and forts such as Shadow Pass
> to the west of the city of Toran, and Fort Durnspa, to the northeast of the
> capital city--Holmgard.
>
> Northwest of Holmgard is Toran, while north by northeast is the city of
> Anskaven. Travelling west by southwest along the main highway from Anskaven
> through the villages of Pinestar, Doven, and Cherrison, would bring you to
> Toran. Sommerlund's other city, Tyso, lies about fifty miles northeast along
> the coast from Holmgard.
>
> Travelling east along the main highway from Holmgard, a traveller would pass
> through the towns of Fairam and Eastgate, before the rugged hilly land gives
> way to the barren wasteland of The Wildlands. Two small Wildland villages
> cling to the coast, served by this highway, namely Vanosa and Duncrick,
> before the city of Ragadorn, at the mouth of the River Dorn. Beyond
> Ragadorn, the highway continues east, with no further settlements for many
> leagues.
>
> To the east of Sommerlund, in the Gulf of Durenor, lie the Kirlundin Isles,
> a small archipelago of islands that descend in a lazy arc from northeast to
> south. Of the named Kirlundin Isles--from north to south, Broka, Egen, Thet,
> Hemd, Kirlu, and Mannon--only Kirlu is large enough to sustain more than one
> town or village of any size. Between the Kirlundins and the mainland of
> Sommerlund lie the Kirlundin Straits.
All excellent. I offer only minor tweeks to your map description:
~~~~~~~~~~~
The proud country of Sommerlund juts eastwards into the cold Kaltesee.
To the west it abuts the grim, grey wall of the Durncrag Mountains, a
natural barrier protecting the Sommlending from the evil Darklords of
Helgedad. Despite its proximity to the Darklands, Sommerlund is a
prosperous and fertile country, with many towns and villages. Dotted
from north to south along the Durncrags lie border outposts and forts
such as Shadow Pass to the west of the city of Toran, and Fort
Durnspa, to the northeast of the capital city, Holmgard.
Northwest of Holmgard is Toran, while north by northeast is the city
of Anskaven. Travelling west by southwest along the main highway from
Anskaven through the villages of Pinestar, Doven, and Cherrison, would
bring you to Toran. Sommerlund's other city, Tyso, lies about fifty
miles northeast along the coast from Holmgard.
Travelling east along the main highway from Holmgard to Durenor, a
traveller would pass through the towns of Fairam and Eastgate, before
the rugged hilly land gives way to the barren wasteland of the
Wildlands. Two small Wildland villages cling to the coast, served by
this highway, namely Vanosa and Duncrick, before the city of Ragadorn,
at the mouth of the River Dorn. Beyond Ragadorn, the highway continues
east, with no further settlements for many leagues.
To the east of Sommerlund, in the Gulf of Durenor, lie the Kirlundin
Isles, a small archipelago of islands that descend in a lazy arc from
northeast to south. Of the named Kirlundin Isles--from north to south,
Broka, Egen, Thet, Hemd, Kirlu, and Mannon--only Kirlu is large enough
to sustain more than one town or village of any size. Between the
Kirlundins and the mainland of Sommerlund lie the Kirlundin Straits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
Jon
~~~~~~
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