[projectaon] Re: Errors: Six of the Best (Grey Star #1) [October 9 2008]
- From: "Jonathan Blake" <blake.jon@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:46:50 -0700
On Thu, Oct 9, 2008 at 2:26 PM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> (er) 01gstw:Powers: another's mind, or cause them -> another's mind, or
> cause him (or) others'
> minds, or cause them [LM]
> -> "He will be able to extract information from others, place thoughts and
> compulsions into
> another's mind, or cause them to believe that..."
The use of the third person plural pronoun as a gender-neutral
singular pronoun is controversial but increasingly accepted.
> (er) 01gstw:Rules for Combat: You now have the number of ENDURANCE
> points lost by Grey Star. To
> calculate the number lost by the enemy, multiply this by the number of
> WILLPOWER points that Grey
> Star elected to use. Now you have the final number of ENDURANCE points lost
> by both Grey Star and
> his enemy in this round of combat. (E represents points lost by the enemy;
> GS represents points lost
> by Grey Star.) -> GS represents the number of ENDURANCE points lost by Grey
> Star. To calculate the
> number lost by the enemy, marked 'E' by the number of
> WILLPOWER points that Grey
> Star elected to use. Now you have the final number of ENDURANCE points lost
> by both Grey Star and
> his enemy in this round of combat.
> [LM: I thought former wording is possibly unclear -- it sounds like the
> enemy always loses 3x as
> much as grey star]
The "marked 'E'" doesn't hold for our online version. How 'bout
"multiply the number listed for the enemy"?
> (er) 01gstw:53: who he then forces -> whom he then forces
> -> "...spying on the illegal actions of smugglers and shady traders who he
> then forces to buy his
> silence."
Fix.
> (er) 01gstw:56: The noise and confusion about you makes -> The noise
> and confusion about you make
> -> "The noise and confusion about you makes visualization very difficult and
> you..."
Fix.
> (er) 01gstw:86: You repeat your prophecy to Shan
> [LM: You didn't necessarily use Prophecy] [cf. 136 -> 61 -> 86]
> -> "You repeat your prophecy to Shan, and..."
Well that's a thorny one. Any suggestions? Footnote?
> -> "You vault on to the dead tree, using your Staff for support."
> -> "The watery fingers clench to form an immense fist that smashes on to the
> bridge..."
> -> "But it is a hollow victory, for the lifeless body falls on to Shan's
> prone form."
> -> "...you see a webbed hand appear over the edge of the defile...the
> wounded Quoku heaves itself on
> to the ragged plain."
> -> "...the unarmed man jumps down from the wagon on to the bridge."
> -> "The speeding chariot swerves into a skid and turns over on to its
> side..."
> -> "...you see Tanith throw herself on to the raging fire."
> -> "...you slump forwards on to the floor, a beaten shell."
Those all should be "onto".
--
Jon
~~~~~~
Manage your subscription at http://www.freelists.org/list/projectaon
Other related posts: