[projectaon] Re: Errors: Six of the Best (Grey Star #1) [October 9 2008]
- From: Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: projectaon@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:40:53 +0100
Jonathan Blake wrote:
On Thu, Oct 9, 2008 at 2:26 PM, Simon Osborne <outspaced@xxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
(er) 01gstw:Powers: another's mind, or cause them -> another's mind, or cause him (or) others'
minds, or cause them [LM] -> "He will be able to extract information from others, place
thoughts and compulsions into another's mind, or cause them to believe that..."
The use of the third person plural pronoun as a gender-neutral
singular pronoun is controversial but increasingly accepted.
OK, marked as rejected. I will see if there are any other issues raised along these lines and post
them together, since it's extremely likely they'll all be rejected.
(er) 01gstw:Rules for Combat: You now have the number of ENDURANCE points lost
by Grey Star. To
calculate the number lost by the enemy, multiply this by the number of
WILLPOWER points that
Grey Star elected to use. Now you have the final number of ENDURANCE points
lost by both Grey
Star and his enemy in this round of combat. (E represents points lost by the
enemy; GS
represents points lost by Grey Star.) -> GS represents the number of ENDURANCE
points lost by
Grey Star. To calculate the number lost by the enemy, marked 'E' by the number
of WILLPOWER
points that Grey Star elected to use. Now you have the final number of
ENDURANCE points lost by
both Grey Star and his enemy in this round of combat. [LM: I thought former
wording is possibly
unclear -- it sounds like the enemy always loses 3x as much as grey star]
The "marked 'E'" doesn't hold for our online version. How 'bout
"multiply the number listed for the enemy"?
To clarify: "...multiply this by..." -> "...multiply the number listed for the enemy
by..."
So the sentence becomes:
"To calculate the number lost by the enemy, multiply the number listed for the enemy by the number
of WILLPOWER points that Grey Star elected to use."
I really think this does make this paragraph a lot more understandable. Thomas, do you have any
thoughts on this? You know the GS books a lot better than I do!
(er) 01gstw:53: who he then forces -> whom he then forces -> "...spying on the
illegal actions
of smugglers and shady traders who he then forces to buy his silence."
Fix.
(er) 01gstw:56: The noise and confusion about you makes -> The noise and
confusion about you
make -> "The noise and confusion about you makes visualization very difficult and
you..."
Fix.
Both fixed.
(er) 01gstw:86: You repeat your prophecy to Shan [LM: You didn't necessarily
use Prophecy] [cf.
136 -> 61 -> 86] -> "You repeat your prophecy to Shan, and..."
Well that's a thorny one. Any suggestions? Footnote?
I've added a footnote: "It is possible to arrive here without having used the Power of Prophecy."
There seems to be no easy way to prevent arrival here for those who did not use Prophecy, nor any
straightforward way of removing this inconsistency.
-> "You vault on to the dead tree, using your Staff for support."
-> "The watery fingers clench to form an immense fist that smashes on to the
bridge..."
-> "But it is a hollow victory, for the lifeless body falls on to Shan's prone
form."
-> "...you see a webbed hand appear over the edge of the defile...the
wounded Quoku heaves itself on to the ragged plain."
-> "...the unarmed man jumps down from the wagon on to the bridge."
-> "The speeding chariot swerves into a skid and turns over on to its side..."
-> "...you see Tanith throw herself on to the raging fire."
-> "...you slump forwards on to the floor, a beaten shell."
Those all should be "onto".
Fixed! I also fixed a couple of instances in other books that conform to these
structures.
Additional question: Should any form of "<verb> [yourself/himself/herself/itself] on to" be
corrected to "...onto", or is there some nuance that requires each instance to be considered
separately? The reason I ask is that in 01fftd the following hasn't been corrected: (Section 21)
"...drag yourself on to firm ground and..."; whereas above "...throw herself onto the raging
fire..." has been corrected.
--
Simon Osborne
Project Aon
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